Non-Golf Jokes 1/28

A guy calls into a radio station and he says he has a joke for the DJ. The DJ goes, “Alright, let's hear it.”
The guy goes, “What has a 2 inch penis and hangs down?”
The DJ says, “I dunno, what?”
The guy says, “A bat. What has a 12 inch penis and hangs up?”
The DJ replies, “I dunno, what?” Next thing the DJ hears is a dial tone.

A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.

The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks.

"Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in."

A leprechaun walks into a bar. After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits in his face. The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat.

"If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywagger," yells the mean-looking guy.

After a few more pitchers, the leprechaun runs over to the mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his face again. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun.

"All right, I've got you this time. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!"

The leprechaun laughs, "You can't do that."

"Why not?" asks his captor.

"Because," giggles the leprechaun, "leprechauns don't have tallywaggers."

"Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?" growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?"

"Just like this," laughs the leprechaun as he sticks out his tongue and spits.

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