Golf Jokes 1/28

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, prime minister of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Phil Mickleson. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Netanyahu... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Phil was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Mickleson reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Mickleson. "Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Netanyahu?!!" "No," said Mickleson, "second to Rabbi Woods."n 28th
_________________________________________________________________

_                               Top 10 Caddy Responses

• 10: Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long, sir?"
   
  
• 9: Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven sir, you've already moved most of the earth."
   
  
• 8: Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."
   
  
• 7: Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually, sir."
   
  
• 6: Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."
   
  
• 5: Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch sir - it's a compass."
   
  
• 4: Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "It's very good sir - but personally, I prefer golf."
   
  
• 3: Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday? Caddy: "I'm afraid the way you play sir, it's a sin on any day."
   
  
• 2: Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "But this isn't the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago sir."
   
  
• And the Number: 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment: Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
  
• _______________________________________________________
  

                          Top 10 Golf Sayings that Sound Dirty

• Look at the size of his putter.
  
• Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
  
• You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
  
• After 18 holes I can barely walk.
  
• My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
  
• Lift your head and spread your legs.
  
• You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
  
• Just turn your back and drop it.
  
• Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
  
• Damn, I missed the hole again__________________________________
  

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"  There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.  "Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"