Saturday 9/2 Jokes

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop, they'll have to fill out tons of paperwork.

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Show me a man that thinks baseball is the national pastime and I'll show you a man who never played doctor when he was a kid!

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A little Native American boy asks his chief how babies in their tribe get their names.

The chief replies, "When a baby is born, the father takes him outside of the teepee, holds him over his head, and names him after the first thing he sees - like 'Running-Wolf' or 'Flying-Cloud'. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Humping?"

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Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "Damn, he's huge....I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "Yeah he is.....I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

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Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest.

He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house."

"Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air."

"Yes," says the priest, "your legs."

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A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks "you wanna move to go in the backseat".

"Hell No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, NO!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

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Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?

A: They always leave to go answer the door.

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Q. Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and a dozen donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at a nudist colony?
A. The girl who can eat the last donut.

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Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One. The rest are all true stories.

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Q: What do mice and men have in common?
A: They both run around hunting for holes!

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One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before them, holding a bag.

"Hi, God. What's in the bag?" asked Eve.

"These are a couple of things that were left over from creation that I thought you two would be interested in." God rummages around in the bag a moment. "Okay who wants to be able to pee standing up?"

Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. "Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up! And it would help so much when I'm out hunting! Oh, please, please, please let me have it!"

"Well, all right," says God. "Now, let's see what we have for you, Eve." God rummages about a bit more in the bag.

"Ah, right. Multiple orgasms."

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Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

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Q: What's the difference between "oooh" and "ahhhh?"
A: About four inches.

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Q: How can you tell a blond has been working at a computer?
A: There is white out all over the screen.

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Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor.

After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?"

Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movie