THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL

by **Paul** Tue 06 Jan 2015, 10:02 am

A 65 year old guy and his wife are talking about 30 yrs. ago when they first met. He says do you remeber that first night at the hotel and she says yup. he’s eating breakfast and so is she when he says i was so hot for you back then and she says I too was so hot for you then in fact I am still so hot for you my breasts are still hot for you. The guy says well they should be. One’s in your oatmeal and the other ones in your coffee

by **Paul** Tue 06 Jan 2015, 10:13 am

Cost of a round of golf

It was a Sunday morning and four good buddies were at the first tee. Number one said, "This golf game is costing me dinner for my wife tonight."

Number two said, "That's nothing, I had to agree to my wife's parents spending the weekend with us."

"Ha!" said number three, "I had to give my old lady the credit card to go shopping."

Number four said "Boy are you guys ever screwed up. I woke up this morning and the wife asked what I was planning. I replied 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said, 'Take a sweater' and went back to sleep."

by **Paul** Tue 06 Jan 2015, 10:28 am

Man blames fate for other accidents that befall him, but takes full responsibility for a hole in one

by **Paul** Tue 06 Jan 2015, 10:30 am

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing

by JimQ916 Tue 06 Jan 2015, 10:55 am

Both Golf

"Honey, I have a confession to make," a guy told his bride. "I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season." "Well, dear," she murmured. "I have a confession to make too. I'm a hooker." "No big deal," replied the groom. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight!"

by JimQ916 Tue 06 Jan 2015, 10:56 am

I Said The F Word

A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word." The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be forgiven." The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation. "Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church," said the guy. "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked. "No," the guy replied. "I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough." "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked. "No," the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. "My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the green." "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked. "No," the guy said. "As I went to play my ball a squirrel grabbed it and took off with it." "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked. "No," the guy replied. "As the squirrel was running away with my ball an eagle swooped down on it and took off with the squirrel and my ball." "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked. "No," the guy replied. "The eagle dropped the squirrel over the green and the ball rolled out of its mouth and finished 5 inches from the hole. The priest then said, "Don't tell me....you missed the f***ing putt!"

by **Paul** Tue 06 Jan 2015, 3:35 pm

THANX JIM . FOR BRINGING A VERY WELCOME AND MUCH NEEDED NEW FEATURE TO OUR CLUB AND FORUM . VERY NICE CONTRIBUTION .

by **Paul** Thu 08 Jan 2015, 10:00 pm

here's one Post a new joke and lets hear it . T_l_jo10

That's $2.25 .Real incentive .

by **Paul** Fri 16 Jan 2015, 5:28 am

Two men are talking at the water cooler at work one Monday morning.

"What did you do this weekend" asked Don.

"Dropped hooks into water." replied Dave.

"Fishing, eh"

"No, golfing.

by JimQ916 Tue 20 Jan 2015, 11:21 am

Jan 20th

Murderous Neighbor

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

____________________________________________________________________

The New Recruit

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.
"Let me show you," says the captain.
He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.
"This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."
The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.
"Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!"
"Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."
"Why not Thursday?"
"That's your day in the barrel."
___________________________________________________________________l

Lawyer-Client Relationships

Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?

A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.