Non-Golf Jokes 1/7

*** Jan 7th***
Drunk Ice Fishing in Alaska
A drunk Alaskan decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."
The drunk ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, "You will find no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?"
The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
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Ben Dover
A small white guy walks into an elevator and notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looks down at the small white guy and says, "Seven feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch dick, 3-pound left ball, 3-pound right ball, Ben Dover." The small white guy faints!

The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him before he booms out, "What's wrong?"

The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"

The big guy looks down and says, "Seven feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch dick, 3-pound left ball, 3-pound right ball, my name is Ben Dover."

The small white guy says, "Thank god! The first time I thought you had said, 'Bend over!'"
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The Crabby Cabbie
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!'' So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
He got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

Nice job Jim . That's the way it works just fine