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Two friends, Fred and Harry, were golfing one fine day. Toward the end of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods. Harry, laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods on the other side of the fairway. Fred looked for his ball for a long time, getting angrier every minute. Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups, he found it. Instead of just continuing the game, he took his club and thrashed every single buttercup in that patch smashing the weeds to pieces. All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?! Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life... better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then POOF!... she was gone. After Fred got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, "Harry!... Harry!... where are you?" Harry yells, "I hit my ball in these damn pussy willows!" Fred screams back... "DON'T SWING! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T SWING!"
Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Verne: "That's correct."
Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged in her ass."
Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Verne: "Oh, that was my mulligan."
Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there, stops and jogs back. His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe. Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around. Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired"
Last edited by JimQ916 on Thu 08 Jan 2015, 5:57 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : misspelled word)
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