THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL

by **Paul** Sat 10 Dec 2022, 7:13 am

WGT FORUM LINK National WGT Enquirer - April edition

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 U614946_20160221_170410.png?0.159

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 USA.gif?0.159

andyson
6,415 Posts

Wed, Apr 6 2011 5:12 PM

Just picked this up at the supermarket check out line....
YankeeJim
25,827 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 5:31 PM
Beyond epic..............
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 6:29 PM
Its lovely and all,but how come you always ask my Aunt Emily to do the guest interviews?The trouble is,she only can speak in such ways that understanding be had by all,and surely to goodness that cannot be what our Enquirer is all about,unless to my dismay,I am much mistooken?
Also,I am with the lefties just like in the magazine.In fact,I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
LAMBERT! do you actually NEED two arms?I have a plan...
Lizzielovinglylooksforwardtoeachnewedition xx
oneputtdavid
1,337 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 6:35 PM
Andy what the bleep's the matter with you? Obummer gets a hold of this edition, Gvtmt take over of WGT, wins 2012 by a land slide.
You are hearby given a gag order from printing any more Gold Star articles.
gsoup
2,929 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 6:37 PM
Andyson, i have waited for this for 6 days.
well worth it
wish i had the skills
ty-G
MioKontic
4,159 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 6:39 PM
Lizzie and I were saying not 3 hours ago at Bethpage "The new Enquirer hasn't come out yet". And as if by magic, a Strange Magic, Voila! (Did you see what I did there?? Strange and Magic?? See it now? Very clever!)
Anyway, it's awesome Andy. The interview with Emily was particualrly, shall we say, charming. And the explanation of VEM - couldn't have put it more succinctly myself. No, honestly, I couldn't have done it myself.
Just one problem, someone's nicked page 7 from my copy. Come to think of it, pages 2 thru 6 aren't there either, or anything after page 7 if it existed. I bet it's those rotten Cheezo's again! Am I allowed to say that? Yes? No? Is it against T's & C's? Need some comfirmation on this one from Icon or Sky. Am I allowed to mention player's names if it has nothing to do with cheating or sand bagging or cheating or quitting or cheating or multi-accounting, or cheating? Come back to me on that one will ya.
Anyway, I would have said YJ would be up for the 4000 posts prize, but I see he's already up to 4500 save spitting distance, so I guess it must be someone else. I'd better go find a page 7 somewhere.
I'm off in search of SM to get meself some of what he's got! I'm guessing all I need is a boat that doesn't float.
MioKontic
4,159 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 6:48 PM

gsoup:
Andyson, i have waited for this for 6 days.

Yes! 6 days goddamn it! Or 7 if you're in the UK. Where the hell you been! On strike or summat?
StrangeMagic
1,304 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 9:25 PM
Collosal and stupendous Andy !!
Yes Mio, if I could bottle it, I'd sell it !
Let's recap:
1...I am on a deserted desert island with Victoria Secret models.
2...Emily Litella hit on me in the Enquirer.
3...And Lizzie is speaking to me again !
How damn good can life get man ?!
danohi50
1,020 Posts Wed, Apr 6 2011 10:34 PM
OMG!
sdorr
650 Posts Thu, Apr 7 2011 7:16 AM
"I'm guessing all I need is a boat that doesn't float."
Hey Mio, guess what? Today's your lucky day, just so happens that I have...... AH, never mind.

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 U914702_20120627_213019.jpg?0.160

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 USA.gif?0.160

sixkiller
1,147 Posts

Thu, Apr 7 2011 8:06 AM

ROFLMAO, well done as usual Andyson!
MioKontic
4,165 Posts Thu, Apr 7 2011 11:45 AM

sdorr:

"I'm guessing all I need is a boat that doesn't float."
Hey Mio, guess what? Today's your lucky day, just so happens that I have...... AH, never mind.

I'll take it!

StrangeMagic:

Yes Mio, if I could bottle it, I'd sell it !
Let's recap:
1...I am on a deserted desert island with Victoria Secret models.
2...Emily Litella hit on me in the Enquirer.
3...And Lizzie is speaking to me again !
How damn good can life get man ?!

Stop teasing! I'll be with ya as soon as I get this rotten boat from sdorr. Just send me the GPS coordinates where you be. But privately man!!! We don't want everyone knowing where it is.
sdorr
650 Posts Thu, Apr 7 2011 8:14 PM
Well Mio, it's not so much a rotten boat. It's more like a 2X12X16 that doubles as a bridge that goes over this depression in the back yard that collects water. The good news is that it's only been there a couple of years and I guarantee that it will not take on any additional water. Once you have the coordinates from SM, you can study the ocean currents and plan a suitable place to launch. (Providing that you obtain permission from Lizzie first to ride on her ooocean).
Please consider it my gift to you towards your happiness. (But you have to pick it up).
Great edition of the Enquirer there Andyson. Please keep up the good work.
Have a nice day.
Switz71
278 Posts Thu, Apr 7 2011 8:42 PM
Once again Mr. Andyson, a classic. Woke the wife up gigglin this mornin, pretty good way to start the day lol
PugsAce
1,825 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 1:14 AM

YankeeJim:
Beyond epic..............

.............. and into the Realm of the Truly Hilarious! LMAO
It seems that Dr. Bunsen Honeydew didn't stop with just the explanation, however... and Beaker has (as always) been left to deal with the aftermath of the Doc's over-exhuberance!
His further stimulus of the changes in magnetic flux and increased electromotive force seems to have caused the servers to enlarge Beaker's swing-meter beyond belief!
VEM be damned! NASA better get to work on his meter problem right quick!

Great Issue, Andy! :]
andyson
6,415 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 5:30 AM
LMAO Pugs! I love Beaker!
That is so good, I'll be expecting your contribution to the next Enquirer May 1st!
MioKontic
4,165 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 5:43 AM

andyson:
next Enquirer May 1st

You heard it here first folks. Reserve your copy now.
andyson
6,415 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:21 AM

MioKontic:

andyson:
next Enquirer May 1st

You heard it here first folks. Reserve your copy now.

Thank you for that. You'll be most interested Mio in our upcoming expose' of avatar crossbreeding...
gsoup
2,929 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 7:00 AM

andyson:

Thank you for that. You'll be most interested Mio in our upcoming expose' of avatar crossbreeding...

my back hurts, then i had to laugh at that. now its better ty
SgtDoodles
3,112 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 9:29 AM
When I searched for www.banandyson.com it came up with an option to search for 'Banana dyson'. WTF?
Btw, who is Sarge?

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 U2202244_20161006_175357.jpg?0.160

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 GBR.gif?0.160

MioKontic
4,165 Posts

Fri, Apr 8 2011 4:39 PM

andyson:

MioKontic:

andyson:
next Enquirer May 1st

You heard it here first folks. Reserve your copy now.

Thank you for that. You'll be most interested Mio in our upcoming expose' of avatar crossbreeding...

He looks absolutely hideous!
StrangeMagic
1,304 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 4:49 PM

MioKontic:
He looks absolutely hideous!

I agree.....
but he does have a nice hat !
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:05 PM
Which neatly brings me to a post I didn't write,but could have nearly two weeks ago.
Whilst I am unable to specify exactly when, due to a certain indisposition involving the rescue of several puppies and the discovery of just who had been at my jam,I can with equanimity state that the actual time of the post I didn't but could have written,is more or less totally irrelevant.In fact,this very post is just an experiment to see if I can winkle out those among us who shall not be named(not because thats against forum rules,but because they are so insignificant that I can honestly say I don't remember their names-but they know who they are),who think that rambling posts that have nothing to do with their own assinine interests are a waste of their time.Rather begs the question then,as to why they would waste their time even reading them.or breathing.
However,let us not mire ourselves-we were talking hats,and I have a pink one.
Lizzie xx
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:06 PM
Interwoven straw as it happens,thankyou for wondering.
Switz71
278 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:15 PM
My fuscia speedo doubles as my hat.
On particular hot days, I borrow one of them fancy umbrellas, of the cocktail variety to keep the sun out of me eyes.
MioKontic
4,165 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:20 PM

LizzieRossetti:
we were talking hats,and I have a pink one.

To go with those pink wolly knickers and pink balls... which incidentally I don't see you with any more.
jeffdos924
1,085 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:27 PM

Switz71:
I borrow one of them fancy umbrellas, of the cocktail variety to keep the sun out of me eyes.

Wouldn't you need 2 umbrellas? .... unless it was typo, and you meant to say .."me eye". That S could have slipped in on your blind side w/o noticing.
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:30 PM
Mio,you said you wouldnt tell about seeing me without my wooly Knix.
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Fri, Apr 8 2011 6:32 PM
I was just looking at where my name is on the top line of my last post,and next to it there is a flag.
God I love that flag.and would die for it.
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 12:18 AM
Wierd but I just realised you might well have been referring to the pink balls and not my Wooly knix,so you are entirely excused nay exonerated Mio,and I personally am happy again that no one will be aware nor any the wiser about my indiscretionation re: the knix thing.
While I am writing,I ought to mention that luckily,for the last few days I seem to have been bug free where my personal message system is concerned and I am no longer falling victim to having our communications together being misdirected into the main forums.You were right in your assumption that having cleared my flashing cache,I had thus inadvertantly allowed the 'bots deployed by the wgt machine into my own system,and it was they who wreaked havoc both in my folders dealing with correspondence and my actual gameplay.This is borne out by my being unable to eagle BP # 4 as usual,and occasionally BP #15 just like you do.
I agree also that we should keep this between ourselves,ha ha,it just wouldn't do for the whole community to be aware,we have to maintain the illusion that we are just ordinary folk. I will continue to post desultory posts concerning VEM,ball life and innacurate yardages to help foster that illusion.
Oh,lastly,I must thank you for the "super" club you designed,I feel honoured that you allowed me to share in its secret testing.I think the ability to drive accurately up to 460yds without having to aim or ding is going to be quite useful when I fix my average and begin our takeover of the legend tier as we discussed.
anyway,toodles for now,just going to check the forums.

Lizzie xx

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 U749557_20220902_184621.jpg?0.160

PugsAce
1,825 Posts

Sat, Apr 9 2011 12:31 AM

andyson:
LMAO Pugs! I love Beaker!

Andy, I could only wish to have the "Nose for News" that you have! And the satirical wit with which you present it to us is truly one-of-a-kind.
The most recent WGT Enquirer "Easter Egg" was the "stimulus" for Beaker's involvement.
Thanks to Dr. Honeydew's analytical delvings, his wary assistant seems to be developing his own "WGT nose"...

Thanks for the opportunity to provide you with a well-deserved chuckle! :]
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 1:01 AM
Oh my.
It's a joke guys,honest.
MioKontic
4,165 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 3:13 AM

LizzieRossetti:
Oh,lastly,I must thank you for the "super" club you designed,I feel honoured that you allowed me to share in its secret testing.I think the ability to drive accurately up to 460yds without having to aim or ding is going to be quite useful when I fix my average and begin our takeover of the legend tier as we discussed.

Oopsie Lizzie, I think that message was meant to have gone to Icon. Now you've let the cat out the bag. So it is all true about pre-determined game results. There'll be one or two interested parties in this admission! What one will do to be a... well... a blankety blank!
(Note: There's no Blankety Blank Cheque Book & Pen for right answers).

LizzieRossetti:
Wierd but I just realised you might well have been referring to the pink balls and not my Wooly knix

Yes, I was referring to the pink balls, but now that you come to mention it I haven't seen you in those wolly knix (as you so affectionately call them), but as it's getting a bit warmer now I guess you don't need them. Bikini bottoms is (almost) the order of the day now, but not on the golf course obviously!
Back to balls, I'd have thunkered (I hope I've got my tense right there) you would have requested, nay insisted, that WGT make them there Callaways in anything other than white, namely pink... at a reduced price of course!
LizzieRossetti
1,545 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 3:35 AM
I already use pink callaways.They come with a special offer from Ike,who sold me a pair of rose tinted spectacles,works like a charm,and all for just £9.99.I look so cool in them too,so cool that at a recent nine inch nails gig,I could have sold them 50 times over.
This was the gig that started to turn a bit nasty after a roadie clubbed a skinhead with his torch,and upset all the other skinheads who wnated a go too.I resumed the peace by taking to the stage and giving my acapella version of "Come by yah" followed by making dampers and mars bars wrapped in orange skins baked in tinfoil over the fire started by some students who thought they were at a student loans demo.They weren't but their fire was just lovely,although event management seemed a bit peeved.You would think a set of stage curtains were made of gold or something the way they moaned.Resolved that one by letting Lambert have at them with his pogo stick,he looks quite the tyrant in torn jeans and braces,but I felt the safety pin through his right eyebrow was a step too far,and cook had the awfullest job sewing him back together afterwards.Cost us two bottles of "Anaesthetic" from somewhere called Glen Morange to keep Lambert still.
I got one drumstick and a broken plectrum for my collection,but think I might have left my wooly Knix behind,but then,someone had to do something for the triple A backstage pass.
In other news,I varnished one third of my accomodation boards for the yacht,but failed to allow adequate drying time and now the dog is partially hairless on account of him inadvertantly lying on drying board,and my having to liberate the board from his flesh.The good news is,now that he has ugly bald patches,I can earn even more cash in the subway.

Lizzie xx
Switz71
278 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 7:57 AM

jeffdos924:

Switz71:
I borrow one of them fancy umbrellas, of the cocktail variety to keep the sun out of me eyes.

Wouldn't you need 2 umbrellas? .... unless it was typo, and you meant to say .."me eye". That S could have slipped in on your blind side w/o noticing.

Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables
sdorr
650 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 8:26 PM
I should read all of this when I am sober.
Na.
andyson
6,415 Posts Sun, Apr 10 2011 5:57 AM

Switz71:
Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables

No, actually quite chic! It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose. And you need to be aware they will blow off while chasing birds and whatnots.

No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.
YankeeJim
25,827 Posts Sun, Apr 10 2011 7:44 PM

andyson:
No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.

Readers were............ :-D
YancyCan
3,023 Posts Sun, Apr 10 2011 9:40 PM
YankeeJim,
Congrats on your 4,444 post!
I like the number 4.
I once hosted a tournament where you had to try turn in a card with all 4's. Meaning you had to bogey the par3's, birdie the par5's and par the 4's.
The 4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4 Ultimate Open I think it been called and such.

Hello - I am Yancy
Switz71
278 Posts Mon, Apr 11 2011 9:54 AM
andyson:
It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose.
err umm the wife says I'm not allowed to handle duct tape anymore and to the best of my knowledge I have no comment on that subject
- andyson:
  LMAO Pugs! I love Beaker!
  Andy, I could only wish to have the "Nose for News" that you have! And the satirical wit with which you present it to us is truly one-of-a-kind.
  The most recent WGT Enquirer "Easter Egg" was the "stimulus" for Beaker's involvement.
  Thanks to Dr. Honeydew's analytical delvings, his wary assistant seems to be developing his own "WGT nose"...
  
  Thanks for the opportunity to provide you with a well-deserved chuckle! :]
- LizzieRossetti
  1,545 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 1:01 AM
  Oh my.
  It's a joke guys,honest.
- MioKontic
  4,165 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 3:13 AM
  LizzieRossetti:
  Oh,lastly,I must thank you for the "super" club you designed,I feel honoured that you allowed me to share in its secret testing.I think the ability to drive accurately up to 460yds without having to aim or ding is going to be quite useful when I fix my average and begin our takeover of the legend tier as we discussed.
  Oopsie Lizzie, I think that message was meant to have gone to Icon. Now you've let the cat out the bag. So it is all true about pre-determined game results. There'll be one or two interested parties in this admission! What one will do to be a... well... a blankety blank!
  (Note: There's no Blankety Blank Cheque Book & Pen for right answers).
  
  LizzieRossetti:
  Wierd but I just realised you might well have been referring to the pink balls and not my Wooly knix
  Yes, I was referring to the pink balls, but now that you come to mention it I haven't seen you in those wolly knix (as you so affectionately call them), but as it's getting a bit warmer now I guess you don't need them. Bikini bottoms is (almost) the order of the day now, but not on the golf course obviously!
  Back to balls, I'd have thunkered (I hope I've got my tense right there) you would have requested, nay insisted, that WGT make them there Callaways in anything other than white, namely pink... at a reduced price of course!
- LizzieRossetti
  1,545 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 3:35 AM
  I already use pink callaways.They come with a special offer from Ike,who sold me a pair of rose tinted spectacles,works like a charm,and all for just £9.99.I look so cool in them too,so cool that at a recent nine inch nails gig,I could have sold them 50 times over.
  This was the gig that started to turn a bit nasty after a roadie clubbed a skinhead with his torch,and upset all the other skinheads who wnated a go too.I resumed the peace by taking to the stage and giving my acapella version of "Come by yah" followed by making dampers and mars bars wrapped in orange skins baked in tinfoil over the fire started by some students who thought they were at a student loans demo.They weren't but their fire was just lovely,although event management seemed a bit peeved.You would think a set of stage curtains were made of gold or something the way they moaned.Resolved that one by letting Lambert have at them with his pogo stick,he looks quite the tyrant in torn jeans and braces,but I felt the safety pin through his right eyebrow was a step too far,and cook had the awfullest job sewing him back together afterwards.Cost us two bottles of "Anaesthetic" from somewhere called Glen Morange to keep Lambert still.
  I got one drumstick and a broken plectrum for my collection,but think I might have left my wooly Knix behind,but then,someone had to do something for the triple A backstage pass.
  In other news,I varnished one third of my accomodation boards for the yacht,but failed to allow adequate drying time and now the dog is partially hairless on account of him inadvertantly lying on drying board,and my having to liberate the board from his flesh.The good news is,now that he has ugly bald patches,I can earn even more cash in the subway.
  
  Lizzie xx
- Switz71
  278 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 7:57 AM
  jeffdos924:
  Switz71:
  I borrow one of them fancy umbrellas, of the cocktail variety to keep the sun out of me eyes.
  Wouldn't you need 2 umbrellas? .... unless it was typo, and you meant to say .."me eye". That S could have slipped in on your blind side w/o noticing.
  Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables
- sdorr
  650 Posts Sat, Apr 9 2011 8:26 PM
  I should read all of this when I am sober.
  Na.
- andyson
  6,415 Posts Sun, Apr 10 2011 5:57 AM
  Switz71:
  Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables
  No, actually quite chic! It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose. And you need to be aware they will blow off while chasing birds and whatnots.
  
  No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.
- YankeeJim
  25,827 Posts Sun, Apr 10 2011 7:44 PM
  andyson:
  No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.
  Readers were............ :-D
- YancyCan
  3,023 Posts Sun, Apr 10 2011 9:40 PM
  YankeeJim,
  Congrats on your 4,444 post!
  I like the number 4.
  I once hosted a tournament where you had to try turn in a card with all 4's. Meaning you had to bogey the par3's, birdie the par5's and par the 4's.
  The 4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4 Ultimate Open I think it been called and such.
  
  Hello - I am Yancy
- Switz71
  278 Posts Mon, Apr 11 2011 9:54 AM
  andyson:
  It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose.
  err umm the wife says I'm not allowed to handle duct tape anymore and to the best of my knowledge I have no comment on that subject

by **Paul** Tue 20 Dec 2022, 9:48 am

MioKontic
4,165 Posts

Tue, Apr 12 2011 8:02 PM

Switz71:
err umm the wife says I'm not allowed to handle duct tape anymore and to the best of my knowledge I have no comment on that subject

Come on, spill the beans.

National WGT Enquirer - April edition 2011 U1045725_20180116_202718.jpg?0.160

gsoup
2,929 Posts

Sat, Apr 16 2011 6:51 PM

andyson:

Switz71:
Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables

No, actually quite chic! It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose. And you need to be aware they will blow off while chasing birds and whatnots.

No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.

you sure he didnt bite you after that, or did you bribe him with a piece of bacon?

Switz71:
err umm the wife says I'm not allowed to handle duct tape anymore and to the best of my knowledge I have no comment on that subject

Come on, spill the beans.

gsoup
2,929 Posts

Sat, Apr 16 2011 6:51 PM

andyson:

Switz71:
Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables

No, actually quite chic! It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose. And you need to be aware they will blow off while chasing birds and whatnots.

No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.

you sure he didnt bite you after that, or did you bribe him with a piece of bacon?

by **Paul** Tue 20 Dec 2022, 9:48 am

MioKontic
4,165 Posts

Tue, Apr 12 2011 8:02 PM

Switz71:
err umm the wife says I'm not allowed to handle duct tape anymore and to the best of my knowledge I have no comment on that subject

Come on, spill the beans.

gsoup
2,929 Posts

Sat, Apr 16 2011 6:51 PM

andyson:

Switz71:
Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables

No, actually quite chic! It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose. And you need to be aware they will blow off while chasing birds and whatnots.

No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.

you sure he didnt bite you after that, or did you bribe him with a piece of bacon?

Switz71:
err umm the wife says I'm not allowed to handle duct tape anymore and to the best of my knowledge I have no comment on that subject

Come on, spill the beans.

gsoup
2,929 Posts

Sat, Apr 16 2011 6:51 PM

andyson:

Switz71:
Wouldn't I look weird with 2 umbrellas? It's all about the glamourables

No, actually quite chic! It does take a bit of time to get used to the small pieces of duct tape fastening to one's nose. And you need to be aware they will blow off while chasing birds and whatnots.

No animals were harmed, injured, or bothered in the production of this post.