PROGRAMMER JOKES

Programmer Jokes
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
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One thing that archaeological discoveries have taught us.
Ancient people loved drinking from broken cups.
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After explaining to my doctor about my erectile dysfunction,
the depression and my chronic earache,
he immediately arranged it for me to see a specialist.
He's got me an appointment with a divorce lawyer on monday.
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I can never last long in bed.
Five minutes of my wife's snoring and I'm off to the spare room.
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My wife asked me what type of surgery I thought she should have that would make her more appealing...
I suggested removing her vocal cords.
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I think I might have used too much softener when I washed my underwear.
I haven't had an erection for a week.
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Yo mama jokes for programmers

Your mother is so fat, she sat on a binary tree and flattened it to a linked list in constant time.

Your mother is so fat, she solves the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) by visiting all cities simultaneously.

Your mother is so fat they assigned her a new top-level domain.

Your mother is so fat, dijkstra shortest path algorithm around her ass causes an infinite loop.

Your mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

Your mother is so fat, she couldn't get popped off the stack.

Your mother is so fat when she core dumps it fills up all the free space.

Your mother is so fat, when allocating memory on the heap for her, malloc returns a null pointer.