INSPIRING QUOTES : Whitty Quips From Groucho Marx

Whitty Quips From the Mind of Groucho Marx







During the first half of the 20th century, the Marx Brothers — Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, and Zeppo — established themselves as one of the most popular comedy acts of stage, screen, and radio. They were a smash hit on Broadway, and together they made 13 movies, including comedy classics such as Duck Soup and A Night at the Opera.
Groucho Marx, the third-born of the brothers, was the first to embark on a stage career (at age 15) and went on to become the most famous of the siblings. He was known for his razor-sharp wit as well as his distinctive appearance — bushy black eyebrows, thick mustache, and an ever-present cigar — a look so iconic it was made into arguably the most famous novelty disguise of all time, fittingly called “Groucho glasses” (now immortalized as an iPhone emoji).
Groucho’s absurd humor included slapstick, puns, and punchy one-liners. His witty quips made him eminently quotable — but also hugely misquoted. Many sayings frequently attributed to Marx are likely not his at all, such as, “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana,” and, “The most important thing is honesty. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book.

Somebody once said there's only two things that are important: sickness and death. And since you don't have either of them, you should be very happy.

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.

I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody, not even your grandfather.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

Mice weren’t always caught with traps. Only a few centuries ago, if a man wanted to catch a mouse (and many men did), he had to sneak up to a hole in the corner of the kitchen with a piece of cheese clamped between his teeth.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

Beyond the Alps lies more Alps. And the Lord Alps those that Alps themselves.

Why, a 4-year-old child could understand this report … Run out and find me a 4-year-old child. I can't make head or tail out of it.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and think you’re going to feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Now there’s a man with an open mind — you can feel the breeze from here.